


Dude!: A Clexian Tale

by Romany



Category: Smallville
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Metafiction, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-22
Updated: 2006-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romany/pseuds/Romany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story of subtext in tragic proportions, in fair Smallville, where we set our scene...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude!: A Clexian Tale

Lex: *drives really fast*  
Clark: Ow! *flails into river*  
Lex: *drowns*  
Clark: *saves*  
Lex: Dude! *suspects*  
Clark: Dude! *hides nifty superpowers*

Lex: Truck! *gives*  
Clark: Truck! *returns*  
Lex: Dude?  
Clark: I'm not in it for the bling.  
Lex: *hearts*

Lex: Dude, we're like so BFF!  
Clark: Dude, no shit?  
Lex: No shit. Let's totally hang!  
Clark: Er...cool!  
Lex: X-box? I'll kick your ass!  
Clark: Dude, your ass is so kicked.  
Lex: *hearts*

Clark: *world-saveage*  
Lex: Saw that!  
Clark: Did not!  
Lex: Did too!  
Clark: Dude, you are so high!  
Lex: Maybe? *confused*

Lex: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Kent? Clark and I are going to hang out in the barn for a few hours for no particular reason, okay?  
Martha: Hi, Lex.  
Jonathan: *growls* Get off of my farm! And stop checking out my son's ass!  
Martha: Jonathan!  
Lex: Hey, Mrs. Kent, it's cool. *checks out Clark's ass*  
Jonathan: Aaaarrrrghhhhh!

Lex: Dude, you should have this babealicious life.  
Clark: Huh?  
Lex: Serious. But you're so lame.  
Clark: I'm *totally* lame.  
Lex: That's what makes you kind of excellent too.

Lex: My dad sucks!  
Clark: Your dad totally sucks!  
Lex: *bonds*  
Clark: *bonds*

Lex: *crazy*  
Clark: *protects*  
Lana: Ow!  
Clark: *guilt*

Clark: Uh, dude, this is like crazy stalker shit here.  
Lex: This room is all about me, not you.  
Clark: Dude, whatever, I'm out of here.  
Lex: X-box?  
Clark: I've got stuff to do. *crawls into hole in wall*  
Lex: Dude, where'd you go?

Lex: Hey!  
Clark: Still pissed. Bye.  
Lex: Look, football uniforms!  
Clark: Dude, don't even.  
Lex: Play me.  
Clark: Huh? Told you, don't roll that way.  
Lex: Try it. Play me.  
Clark: *sighs, asks favor*  
Lex: *does*  
Clark: Serious? You'll let me play you?  
Lex: Like a piano. X-box?  
Clark: Later.  
Lex: *is sad*

Clark: Dude, you're like the total manslut!  
Lex: Don't I get points?  
Clark: No! No points for you!  
Lex: What do you care?  
Clark: I...don't?  
Lex: You do!  
Clark: You gotta change. I'm just saying.  
Lex: I suck.  
Clark: You really do.

Clark: You lie like a rug, a dog, whatever!  
Lex: Takes one to know one.  
Clark: Um, so different.  
Lex: Yeah, right.  
Clark: Dude, to my face?  
Lex: To your face.

Clark: You suck!  
Lex: Dude?  
Clark: *punches*  
Lex: *punches back*  
Clark: *bleeds* Whee!  
Lex: Dude, why didn't you just say? Can I tie you up?  
Clark: No! *runs away*

Clark: *gets up in Lex's grill*  
Lex: *gets up in Clark's grill*  
Clark: You suck!  
Lex: You suck!  
Clark: You really suck!  
Lex: *inches closer* Yeah, you...  
Clark: *inches closer* Suck, yeah...  
Lex: *closer still* You...  
Clark: *practically there* You...  
Lana: Hey, guys!  
Clark and Lex: Hey, La-na...

Lex: Your girlfriend's got a nice rack.  
Clark: WTF?  
Lex: Dude, I need to get laid. I'm just saying.  
Clark: No, seriously, WTF?  
Lex: I'd be up for a threeway. Think about it.  
Clark: Um, processing...should I be kicking your ass?  
Lex: Gotta go. She's here.  
Lana: *drives up*  
Clark: Dude, what *are* you saying?  
Lex: Look, she's not your girlfriend anymore, she's mine. You've always had a nice ass so I'm willing to cut you in. Spell it out for you?  
Clark: *blinks* You've checked out my ass?  
Lex: Since day one.  
Clark: Dude!  
Lex: Threeway. Call me. Later! *drives off*  
Clark: Dude! *considers, saves the world instead*


End file.
